Narcissists Partners and ADHD: Avoiding The Trap You Might Not Recognize

How ADHD Traits Can Make Female Entrepreneurs Vulnerable to Narcissistic Manipulation

ADHD can make female entrepreneurs more susceptible to toxic and unhealthy relationships, particularly with manipulative individuals like narcissists.

The Intuitive Yet Doubtful Brain

Female entrepreneurs with ADHD often possess an intuitive brain that can sense abnormalities in behavior. Essentially, we can make connections and recognize red flags early on. However, persistent self-doubt and the negative messages we've internalized tend to override these instincts. If you ever experienced being shamed for being eager and quick-thinking during your schooling years, this can significantly contribute to negative self-evaluation. The shame from these experiences accumulates, making us question the very instincts meant to protect us. This can render us susceptible to the narcissistic partner’s tricks. 

Restoring Decision-Making Confidence

There is a critical need to restore our ability to trust in our decision-making capacities. For female entrepreneurs with ADHD, a lifetime of negative messaging can lead to a cycle of self-doubt, procrastination, and a crippling habit of perfectionism. The presence of a narcissist or an opportunistic person in our lives complicates this further. Such individuals amplify our self-doubt and negative self-evaluation. They manipulate us into second-guessing every decision, leaving us paralyzed with indecision.

Understanding ADHD as a Dopamine Deficiency Disorder

I am one of many experts who agrees with the description of ADHD as a “dopamine deficiency disorder.” This term better encapsulates the chemical imbalances affecting dopamine production and functionality in our brains. The traditional term “ADHD” feels inaccurate and even stigmatizing, particularly for female entrepreneurs who may not exhibit hyperactivity but suffer from distractibility and internal struggles instead. 

The subtle nuances of ADHD manifest differently in boys and girls and this often leads to misdiagnosis or a lack of recognition altogether. Boys display hyperactivity and impulsiveness, while girls are often more inattentive and distractible.

I believe that understanding these differences can shed light on why twice as many people may have ADHD compared to those officially diagnosed. Many of these individuals, including some incredibly smart and high-achieving female entrepreneurs, have gone undetected for decades because they have been able to develop strategies to manage their symptoms.

Susceptibility to Toxic Relationships

For all the reasons discussed, ADHD can make female entrepreneurs more susceptible to toxic and unhealthy relationships, particularly with manipulative individuals like narcissists. They exploit vulnerabilities, such as our memory problems, to manipulate and gaslight us, further damaging our self-esteem and leading to increased levels of self-doubt. Attempting to suppressing our ADHD traits to avoid this gaslighting often suppresses our giftedness and unique abilities, imposing an inability to leverage our entrepreneurial spirit.

Misunderstandings and Misdiagnoses

Because ADHD manifests subtly in many women, symptoms like inattentiveness and second-guessing are often misinterpreted. This misunderstanding can trap female entrepreneurs in a cycle of negative self-talk and low self-esteem. Moreover, dopamine deficiency plays havoc with our personal lives, leading us to stay in unhealthy relationships because we lack the trust in our instincts that we might otherwise possess.

Attraction to Unpredictability

Dopamine deficiency and its related impulsivity often drive female entrepreneurs to seek novelty and unpredictability. This can be both a boon and a bane. On the one hand, it fuels creativity and innovation—great traits for any entrepreneur. On the other hand, it can lead us into relationships that are thrilling but unhealthy, as we find ourselves attracted to the excitement and drama that narcissists bring.

Rejection sensitivity, a relatively recent understanding in adults with ADHD, also plays a significant role in our relationships. Extreme emotional reactions to perceived criticism or rejection become fertile grounds for toxic individuals to manipulate us, turning our insecurities against us.

Breaking the Cycle

Acknowledging these dynamics is the first step toward breaking free from the toxic patterns that can be exacerbated by ADHD. The awareness allows female entrepreneurs to reevaluate their relationships and behaviors critically. Seeking professional assistance can provide the insight and guidance necessary to move beyond these toxic relationships.

Conclusion

As a female entrepreneur with ADHD, navigating the complexities of relationships involves a keen understanding of how our brains function and how toxic partners might exploit our vulnerabilities. Recognizing these patterns provides the foundation upon which we can build healthier relationships and, ultimately, thrive both personally and professionally.

Feel free to DM me on LinkedIn or Instagram @coachdiannwingert or send me an email at diann@diannwingertcoaching.com. I'd love to hear your thoughts! If you'd like to hear the full episode on The Driven Woman Entrepreneur Podcast, you can do that here.