Do Women with ADHD Attract Narcissistic Partners?
Several years ago, Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, interviewed me on the topic of whether women with ADHD are at greater risk for entering into a relationship with a narcissist or toxic partner on her podcast “Save Your Sanity.” I have not done any qualitative research on the subject, but based on my experience as a psychotherapist and a coach, I have seen plenty of evidence that it may be true.
I was contemplating recording a solo episode on the topic when I learned that Dr Shaler passed away unexpectedly in April 2024. So, instead of recording something on my own, I decided to share the best parts of the original interview on her show in honor of her important work.
In this episode, Dr Shaler and I explore how women with ADHD, who tend to be quite intuitive often miss the warning signs that the person they are involved is a narcissist. We unpack everything from the addictive allure of unpredictable partners to the internalized shame that makes us more vulnerable to remain in unhealthy relationships.
Our dialog offers a fresh perspective on the dopamine deficiency that drives us, insights on how rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and the hidden brilliance of ADHD play a part in partner selection. If you have ever found yourself in a manipulative relationship, or questioned your self-worth, this conversation will provide the validation you need to seek out more information and healing.
Mic Drop Moment:
"I think we are born with a brain that is very intuitive because we can make connections between things and sense things that are maybe not self evident to others. So I believe that women with ADHD can sense the abnormality in the hijackle’s approach in their behavior, in the inconsistencies between how they may behave at one time and then another, but we override our ability to lean into, to trust our instincts and our intuition because of the persistent self doubt and all the negative messages that we have internalized." Diann Wingert
Rhoberta Shaler’s resources on toxic relationships and narcissistic abuse:
YouTube
Podcast
Website
The original interview on Save Your Sanity Podcast: “Have ADHD? You Might be an Unwitting Hijackal Magnet” with Diann Wingert
Don't forget to share this episode with someone who needs to hear it
Additional resources:
“It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People” by Ramani Durvasula, PhD
I Believe Your Abuse support groups in the U.S.
Note:
This episode is intended for information purposes only. If you suspect you may be in a relationship characterized by narcissistic abuse, please seek out support from a qualified professional.
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